8 signs that prove that I'm starting to love myself

You already know it but for a few months I have been looking for inner peace. As I have already told you, also, this quest began the day I understood that I did not love myself (contrary to what I thought (ah denial, coughed coughed)). Since then, this quest has been very much about learning to love myself. Today I am proud, because I realized that the fruit of this work on myself (long and difficult, but so beaaaaau) is hatching. Signs don't lie.

I don't give too much anymore

Before, I always overdid it. I wanted to be the best, the first, because I thought that was the sine qua non for being loved. I absolutely wanted to be perfect, to be admired and I gave, therefore, everything that people asked me or what I thought they expected of me because I was afraid that I would be rejected if not. was not the case. Today, I spare myself, no matter what is asked of me, what is expected, or what is reproached to me. I do my best, period. No more, no less, and too bad if it doesn't suit some people.

When we love ourselves, we are not afraid of not being loved by everyone, we are no longer afraid of being imperfect, because the love we have for ourselves, and for people who recognize our value, enough.

I have lower expectations

Before, I expected a lot from people. As I gave a lot, I also expected a lot in return (and this, despite what I might think or say). As I thought I was looking for perfection for myself, I also asked those around me. Of course, I expected people to read my mind as I thought I read theirs and that they meet my expectations without me even having to ask. I was very demanding, I blamed a lot and spent my life being disappointed because, of course, people never really did what I expected of them (of course, it seems so logical now). Today, I understood that the only person who can fulfill my expectations is me, nobody is obligated to anything and everything that others give me is only a bonus that life brings me . If I really need something from someone other than myself I formulate my request clearly, if it is not answered I try to understand why and if it is for lack of desire I simply walk away, without resentment or rage, because, after all, everyone does what they want!

I have less need to expose myself

I used to tell everyone about my private life, whether they asked me to tell it... or not. I've never had taboos, embarrassment or modesty, and I thought everyone should do the same. I exposed myself enormously whether in real life or on the networks. I needed to make my star, to show myself, because I needed the recognition or the love that I received in return to feel I existed. Today, I understood that I don't need the approval of others to believe in me, I learned to do it alone. If telling my life still doesn't bother me, I'm careful who I tell, for what purpose and how I expose myself. Only certain people / or type of public matters to me now, I no longer want to impose myself on everyone. I can't and don't want to please everyone and I understand that not everyone deserves to know everything.

I no longer give in to flattery

Before, I did not believe in myself and therefore needed the opinion of others to get an idea of who I was. Whether they wanted me well or not, it was enough, therefore, to flatter me for me to succumb. I have experienced many toxic relationships whether in friendship, at work or in love because I gave in to people interested in something other than my deepest person. Abuse of trust, selfish interests, idealization, energy vampires, non-benevolence gravitated around me and pressed on my weak points (lack of love for me) to steal my energy, my aura, my talent, in short to draw advantages to my disadvantage. Today, I know who I am and what I am worth, I no longer listen to gratuitous reproaches (jealousy) or flattery (interest) and keep my energy for me and the disinterested people, who really bring me.

I justify myself less

Before, I felt guilty for everything. The slightest reproach, the slightest mistake and I questioned my whole person. Even if I still continue to feel guilty about a lot of things (but that's changing) I understood that many people blame you for a lot of things, all the time, for the wrong reasons (lack of self-confidence, rejection of their own faults on you, too high expectations etc.). Today, the only reproaches I accept are those where I am told clearly and with justification that I have harmed someone. I will no longer apologize for being who I am, for having wounds, flaws, faults, in short for not being perfect. If I don't meet other people's expectations (especially if they haven't made a clear request that I've decided to accept in advance), that's their problem, not mine.

I have fewer friends

Before, I had hundreds of friends but, in reality, really none. So that we don't go too deep into my intimacy and discover that, deep down, I was a horrible person (what I thought) I had no really close relationship, but lots of superficial relationships. It allowed me to recover love on the surface but not really make the effort to build something deep. I closed my heart to true loves because I was afraid of being hurt the day they rejected me or abandoned me as I thought I deserved. Today I opened my heart and truly, deeply love. I moved away from superficial relationships and therefore lost a lot of loved ones, but I make efforts for those who really interest me and who I want to keep in my life. I only have a dozen friends and a few buddies left, but I take care of them and these relationships ultimately bring me much more than the superficial hundreds I had before.

I let go of my bad addictions

Before, I hurt myself a lot, in various ways. Cigarettes, junk food, coke, drugs, lack of sleep, toxic relationships, violence, destructive attitudes etc... everything was good for me to feel I existed in pain. My body, my health, my being, didn't really matter to me, I didn't see the problem of dying young and I wanted to live life intensely, which for me meant destruction. In reality, I just had no love for myself and didn't realize that I was someone important to take care of. Today, I still continue some bad habits but I have drastically reduced their frequency. If I still love a few sins, I use them sparingly and with full awareness. I hope one day not to feel the need for it at all. Today, my life is much more intense and yet much more "boring" and healthy... like what!

I set my limits

Before, I didn't know how to say no, at least on a lot of subjects. Not afraid of rejection, of not being loved, I accepted a lot of things, I said yes to almost everything. Someone wanted to be my friend when they didn't really interest me? I dared not hurt her and let her into my life. I was asked to help, when deep down I didn't want to? I didn't dare tell him, and I did. Someone was clearly abusing their power? I let her do it for a long time (until I exploded) for fear of conflict, for fear of expressing myself. Today I say no. Someone gets me drunk or wants to impose themselves too much in my life? I repeat to him as many times as necessary that "no, I don't want to see him" (believe me, it's hard, because, generally, they insist. But I resist!). Are you asking too much of me? And they repeat it to me hoping that I will end up accepting? I sign and persist, it's a “no, no, no”. A member of my family is toxic and does not want to recognize their mistakes? I walk away from it, even if it is difficult. Am I being judged, criticized, or abused? I express what I feel and walk away if necessary. In short, I set my limits, because now I love myself enough to have the courage.

And you, are you taking the same path? Are you hard at work? Do you think you love yourself enough? Ask yourself the right questions! If this is not the case, ask yourself why and reassure yourself, it is not irreversible, love can be learned and it comes much faster than you think!

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