How to get out of depression?
by France Missud
I don't know what it's like around you right now, in terms of the morale of your loved ones, or even yours, but for me, it's depression on every street corner. If I am just recovering from my last, I no longer count the number of my relatives who are currently sinking. So, how about we talk about it a bit? Because, no, it's not taboo, and, yes, it happens to many of us, and even to the best, as Stromae showed us a few days ago.
What is depression?
Depression is a mental illness that mainly affects people with a favorable genetic background. Namely, a lot of people, anyway.
After a shock, a difficult period, a loss of bearings, or, even, without reason, a depressive state can occur in some people. Let's say that right now, with the rotten period we're going through, it concerns everyone. It essentially results in a loss of interest in the things that made us want to before, or even in life in general. While we have the impression that shit happens to us (and it really does happen to us), little by little we manage less and less to overcome it and we sink into a negative spiral. We only see things in black, or else we see nothing at all. We let go. We no longer live, we survive. The days pass tirelessly, each more boring or difficult to bear than the other. One can feel constant great pain or complete emptiness. We isolate ourselves or we oversocialize. We sleep all day or not at all. We do too many things or we stop everything. Then, we can even think of suicide when we end up not seeing the end of it.
What does it actually look like?
As a hypersensitive person with hereditary predispositions having suffered a lot of trauma, all sprinkled with a deplorable lifestyle, I know depression well. I even tested almost all the types: classic, seasonal, happy and the little new in fashion: the burn-out. Real big depressions from which you do not come out unscathed, if I am completely honest, I lived four of them. Even if, to be less neurotic, I usually admit only two, I have to stop lying, the truth is that I spent a good part of my life in depression. And yet I also lived, most of my time, happy to live. Like what, nothing is lost guys. I'm living proof that we can do it. Even when one is really very very willing.
The first started when I was 11 and ended when I was 15. Like 8% of my peers, the teenage crisis was a real disaster for me. Loss of desire, black thoughts, scarification, suicidal thoughts etc... The second took place from my 19 to my 21 years. I fell in love with a violent dealer, fell into cocaine until I took it every day and didn't eat anything, I cut myself off from my family and my friends and I stopped studying. From my 29 to my 31 years I lived a third depression, but happy this time. Totally in denial, all I did was hang out, socialize and abuse mind-altering drugs for almost two years. I hadn't noticed it was wrong until I seriously thought about suicide when my scooter broke down... galleys, I didn't have the strength to overcome anything, I fled with each problem (like resigning every two minutes) and I did nothing to carry out my projects. The fourth did not last long, a few months, it started when I left the second confinement, materialized in a big burn-out in order where I sent everything upside down and ended in several weeks of great fragility.
You have noticed ? They are getting shorter and shorter. Hopefully it was the last. We cross fingers.
So how to get out?
I recovered every time! And each time, I found the taste for life, and even more than before. When I was not in depression I realized lots of projects and felt good for many years. And yet, it was not won. Because the hardest part of depression is realizing it and wanting to change! But it's not impossible! Here are some tips that have personally saved me:
Stop believing that feeling bad is a good thing, and even seek this state, for example, to be more creative or to attract attention.
Depression, for me anyway, is materialized by a feeling of emptiness. By a feeling of not feeling alive. And very often, instead of trying to fill this void with joy, I have tried to fill it with discomfort. I found myself more interesting when I was tortured. What I wrote was prettier. (Oh, yes, depression is often a misplaced ego thing, huh.) made me feel more alive at the time, or if it had helped me to create, made me, in fact, plunge, a little more, into an infernal spiral. Because the negative calls the negative. If it is good to exorcise one's traumas when they come to one's mind, and that one should above all not deny them (because, sooner or later, they reappear) to take pleasure in living in them, constantly, without looking for solutions to get better, is bullshit. You think you've come out unscathed from this very “little” hurt you've caused yourself, but in reality you're sinking all by yourself into a slow depression from which it will be much more difficult to get out afterwards. The purpose of life is not to feel bad in order to write beautiful dark poems, or to have the feeling of living in a dramatic comedy, but to be happy! We can just as well create while being happy, we just don't create the same kind of work. I wrote my two novels when I was not depressed and they had their little success.
(It's because I never applied this first piece of advice that I always came back to it. Being bad, a little, the spleen, the melancholy, I liked it. I thought it was part of me. Today I got it today. I'll never let myself be hurt to exist again.)
Stop thinking that what happens to us is the fault of others or of the universe. Almost all the troubles we have, we attract them because we are negative.
From 2017 to 2018, in a year and a half, I had two scooters stolen, my car mirror broken, I had two accidents, I sprained my wrist, I had a sprained ankle , had emergency vocal cord surgery because we suspected the onset of cancer, I only fell on assholes and even got fired (and again, I forgot some). I really thought that the fate was relentless and I ended up concluding that life was too difficult and that it had to be stopped once and for all. Then, I understood that all that I had attracted him. I had chosen an apartment in an insecure place, by dint of going out and not sleeping, my body and my reflexes gave out, I only went to toxic guys or scared the good guys with my too intense pace of life. , and, I had screwed up my job alone like a grown-up. I realized that it was not life that was beating on me, but me that was beating on myself. It was when I finally stopped blaming others, and looked for solutions to feel better on a daily basis (force myself to go out less, move house, stop riding my stoned scooter, sleep more etc.. .) that I got away with it.
Stop feeling guilty for not corresponding to what others expect of us, or for not succeeding in your projects.
When we are aware of not being on top and that our life does not suit us, we still try to keep our heads above water. We then set goals to achieve, thinking that it is by achieving them that we will get out of it, and since, very often, we do not succeed because we do not have the strength, or the real desire, you end up feeling even worse. We feel guilty for procrastinating, for not carrying out our projects, for not satisfying our family or society. However, very often, it's because we set goals that are either too big or that we don't really want to achieve.
I came out of my 2018 depression when I confessed to my family (and myself) that I actually had no desire to move south. I had been working like hell for a year and a half to save money to buy an apartment in Marseille. However, I spent all my pay on going out and I felt guilty for not doing what was necessary to achieve my dreams. When I understood that it was because I didn't really want to and that I dared to assume doing what I liked, the same day, I felt that I was finally better. and I started to find projects that motivated me. Putting money aside to move into an apartment that I liked, but in Paris, didn't take long, oddly enough! You have to ask yourself the right questions: “What am I really dreaming of? » and not « what would please the people I love? »
Stop pretending everything is fine, hoping people will read between the lines.
No, most people can't guess our lies. Yes, also, sometimes, even when they see, they don't dare to help us. Since we say everything is fine, we don't want any help, right? Pretending to be fine in front of others just helps us keep them at a distance by showing them that we are strong and that we don't need them. However, without empathy we cannot receive comfort, something we need very much when we are depressed. It would be stupid if our egocentrism still killed us, wouldn't it?
Ask for help.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. It's about taking charge of your life. Because no, we can't do everything alone. And especially not to get out of a depression. If you think you're going to do it on your own, you stick your finger in your eye to the elbow. So go ahead, don't be ashamed, we've all had down moments. Dare to say that you are in pain, to a friend, to a member of your family, to a shrink or to everyone, but in any case do not hide anymore.
When I was 15 it was my family in Marseilles who saved me by taking me in for a year. They taught me what it was like to have a normal family life and to develop healthy habits. Without them I would certainly have ended very badly. When I was 20, it was when I dared to call my mother, whom I hadn't spoken to for several months and who was finally able to play her role as tutor, that everything settled down. She took me away from my violent ex, comforted me and took care of returning the keys to my apartment. In the midst of depression, I would never have had the strength to leave my boyfriend or take care of the paperwork alone. The fact that she showed me that I could finally rely on someone, gave me confidence and allowed me to rebuild myself little by little. For the third, my family and my ex-fiancé supported me a lot. And for the last, it was strangers, friends, family and then a shrink who gave me the comfort and the help I needed to finally get rid of my last demons. Without the support of my friends I would not have known that I could be loved for who I am, without the material and financial help of my family I would have had to force myself to work (when I was at the end of my strength) and I wouldn't have had time to really, deeply look into what was wrong with a shrink!
(Personally, I'm against antidepressants and never wanted to take them. But surely I replaced that with psychotropics, so I'm not going to give you great moral lessons. Although I've seen more damage than success thanks to antidepressants there are still some on whom it works so do well as you feel!But know that it is not obligatory, sometimes, only therapy or comfort from loved ones is enough. )
Give the little energy you have in a very small project of nothing at all to start feeling proud of yourself.
The step that triggers the real exit from depression, even if we are still fragile some time later, is to carry out a first project. Even a tiny one. It can be getting back into sport and sticking to it regularly, quitting a bad habit, managing to say no once to a toxic loved one, or even, just, reading a book that made us want to, but in short, finalizing a goal that we settled down. Above all, do not aim too high (obtain a diploma, put twenty thousand euros aside, leave your boyfriend with whom you have been for years, go around the world, etc.) because you take the risk of not get there and feel even worse. You really have to go little by little, with small successes. It makes us feel proud of ourselves. The desire returns with each step taken and we can then consider bigger things.
When I was a teenager, it was to quit my bad habits like cigarettes or alcohol (yes, already at the time) then make myself beautiful every morning and start exercising. At the end of the year I felt proud of myself, I became the woman I wanted to be (at least seem). At 21, I started by stopping taking cocaine every day, then reconnecting with my friends, I learned to say no to my ex (with whom I very quickly returned, of course) then I looked for a job with nice colleagues, etc... Over time, I felt more and more proud of myself and I understood that I deserved better than this abusive boyfriend. It gave me the strength to find a plan to succeed in leaving him (it took me two years but I got there). At 31, I found the courage to move out of this roommate in which I only had trouble and to only go out once a week. And for the last, it was to take care of my physical and mental health. At first I just had the strength to read, go to the shrink and the physiotherapist. That's what I did and little by little I added new goals while being careful not to exhaust myself. As a result, yesterday I registered for college to resume my studies! Like what, everything is possible, you just have to go slowly.
Depression is sneaky because, at first, it won't show it to you! You're going to spend a few evenings crying at home but you're going to tell yourself that it's temporary. You will have destructive behaviors but you will tell yourself that you have the right to mess around from time to time. Then over time, without even realizing it, you'll start thinking about killing yourself. At the first signs of discomfort, don't wait, don't hesitate to talk about it, because, no, it's not going to get better. If you feel that you are going to crack, call your loved ones, a shrink or the first comer to discuss. Ask for advice, read, listen, try to take stock of what is going well with you, what is wrong with you, and what you would like to change, then look for a solution to feel better.
And as Orelsan says in "Jour Meilleur" (which, by the way, rose to first position in Deezer listening):
“Not everything is going to change, well, unless you do.
When you have the desert to cross, there's nothing to do except move forward"