The ego, this system that should be balanced

When we turn to spirituality, or even, simply, to personal development, we often hear that the ego is an obstacle to our happiness and that we should detach ourselves from it. But already, do we really know what the ego is, what is its role and why would it be so bad?

What exactly is the ego?

The ego is the representation we have of ourselves, our conscience, our beliefs, our personality. For psychology, it also encompasses the unconscious part of our being. Bringing together everything that defines us, it would, therefore, quite simply, be our self. For philosophy, the ego would be the thinking subject, or the conscious part of our being. And for spirituality, the ego would simply represent an illusion, a false self, the shell that one would have forged to survive in the material world. To be differentiated, therefore, from our inner self, from our true nature.

What is it used for ?

To understand how the ego works, imagine a captain allowing us to navigate our body in the world in which we evolve. It reminds us of who we are, our values, what we want, thus helping us to realize our destiny. Through thought, judgment, and mastery of our internal conflicts, it allows us to adapt to our environment and to interact with others, and, therefore, to exist.

 And why should we detach ourselves from it?

The ego is what allows us to survive, us, the me, and even if it is a good thing to exist as oneself, we all agree on that, it is not necessarily what allows us to be happy. And nooooooo, that's not enough, that would be too simple. To be happy one must feel calm. And this is where it gets complicated. Because to make us exist, our ego, it does not always go in the direction of our happiness.

To defend ourselves against attacks that are often considered potentially lethal, even if they are not (but he does not know how to tell the difference), or just to defend our identity, he taught us to want everyone time to be right and win. And what does that do to us? Bah evil, pardi! Disproportionate reactions, rumination, fights, negative emotions, creation of illnesses that can even kill us and so on… it's the whole paradox of the ego. To make us live, he very often makes us live... badly. Because, the ego, just like us, is not perfect. This is why, even if we can also thank him for wanting to make us survive and forgive him for doing so in a way that is sometimes faulty, for more serenity it is better to learn to detach oneself from it as much as possible. You will have understood that of course we cannot completely abandon it.

 How to find the balance?

You know what's cool? It's because humans have been working on this for thousands of years. The ego has been studied, analyzed, turned around in every way, and in the same way that our ancestors found how to improve a failing immune system, they also found how to balance an ego that was too big or too small.

 Learning to know each other

To appease your ego, you have to understand it, to understand it, you have to know yourself, and to know yourself, you have to first see yourself act. When we put ourselves in "survival" mode, when we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the anger of wanting to be right or by the sadness of having had a failure, let's observe our reactions, ask ourselves what is going on inside us, why we do so.

Forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself

If our wounds due to the traumas of our childhood are not our fault, knowing how to manage them in adulthood is our fault. We must forgive ourselves for not being able to react because we did not have the keys to do so at the time, but we must also now accept these scars which, while they are part of us, do not define us. . Accepting the faults that we cannot change and being kind to ourselves allows us to calm down and not repeat the same mistakes again.

Forgive, accept and love others

Putting ourselves, a little, in the place of others sometimes would not hurt us. If we have our own defense mechanisms that we find difficult to get rid of, let's remember that the others... too! Learning to differentiate real attacks from "defense" aggressions makes it possible to realize that ultimately, real dangers are rare. Responding with love actually appeases most conflict.

Learn to let go of your thoughts

Meditation is a great exercise for that. The exercise allows you to refocus on your deep self, which is therefore to be differentiated from the ego. Meditation allows us to prevent ourselves from thinking too much, from relativizing, from realizing that the mind is only part of our being and not its absolute master. Detach yourself from your mind, you will detach yourself from your ego.

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