The 4 Toltec agreements, a personal development bible

by France Missud

Several months ago, as said in a previous column, I had a click: I don't know who I am. This click is a meeting in the evening. A girl, beautiful, sweet, benevolent, much younger than me, but so much wiser, who asks me why I devalue myself like that. I receive his words like an electric shock: I have always understood nothing. I think I've fixed myself, in reality, I'm lying to myself. I pretend, I think I'm someone I'm not. I have always believed I am alive, in truth I fly over, I walk blind, I survive. That day, following disappointments, I was fragile, destabilized, so I listened carefully to everything she told me. I drink his words. This girl changed my life. So, when a few weeks later, once the work of awakening has begun, she recommends books to me to learn how to calm myself down, to free myself, I note everything carefully.

I first read The Art of Simplicity, which helped me to sort out my life ̶ I will surely do a column on it soon ̶ then I attacked the second on the list and this one really transformed me.

Of course, like many people, I had already heard of it, but I had never taken the time to look into it. I thought everything was fine, I thought I was happy, I didn't need to read that kind of stuff. In reality, I just hadn't decided to change yet.

I devour it in two days. Since then, I have tried to follow its precepts and I feel it, yes, concretely, I feel much better, much more serene, much happier.

These precepts are very simple, they are 4 rules of life to respect to achieve happiness, to follow the path of personal freedom:

The 4 agreements of the Toltec community

The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, is a Mexican shaman, but a neurosurgeon shaman already makes you want to take him seriously. Don Miguel Ruiz is an heir of the Toltec culture, this civilization thousands of years old, preceding the Maya and the Astecs. Don Miguel Ruiz is a wise man who learned to transmit the oral knowledge of his ancestors in writing in order to be able to disseminate them throughout the world. Don Miguel Ruiz, he wants to save the world. And that's good, because, right now, I really want to be saved.

Don Miguel Ruiz, from the beginning of the book, reveals to us that we are living in a dream. Life is not real life, our selfish, greedy, rushed, anxious society is just a hell in which we have always been locked up. A hell where fear reigns, a hell that we have created for ourselves and which we can get rid of. What Don Miguel Ruiz explains to us throughout the book is that we are masters of our happiness, masters of our lives, it is up to us to have the power to change our hell into paradise.

So that was my trigger. I was swimming in a dream, I was living in the illusion of my life, and I just woke up. At 34 (about time, huh), finally ready to listen, so I have to learn everything. And it is with this book that we must begin, it seems. So please, Miguel, teach me to live mindfully, I'm all ears.

1st chord: Let your word be impeccable.

What does it mean that your word is impeccable? It means that: you don't judge, don't criticize, don't lie, don't belittle, in short, you don't hurt when you talk, even about yourself. So it seems easy to do like that, in fact, I test every day, I can tell you that not at all. Whether we think we have good intentions or not, we all hurt with our words. Hey yeah.

As soon as we say to someone: “you're like that, you shouldn't do this, stop acting like that” etc... insidiously, unconsciously most of the time, we do harm. By our words, thoughtless, we transmit our judgments, our ideas, and we hurt, yes, yes.

Who are we to tell someone how to run their life, whether or not they should change or take the wrong path? Who do we think we are? The truth is that these words that we send back only serve to unload us, to feed our ego, to give our opinion but in no way to help. He is right Don Miguel Ruiz, you have to stop.

"Let your word be impeccable" means: keep your opinion to yourself, and even better, don't have one. Because it doesn't concern you. So you won't do any harm. And when you don't hurt, you don't feel bad. CQFD.

If I see you on the street and call you a fool, it seems that I am using speech against you. But actually I'm using it against me, because you're going to hate me and your hate won't do me any good.

2nd Agreement: Whatever happens, don't make it personal.

What if our misfortunes come from the fact that we are too ego-centered? It's all stupid, but before Don Miguel told me, I had never thought of it. Yet it is the truth. We take care too much of our little navels instead of taking a step back and relativizing. We take every harsh remark, every aggression, every belittling as something directed at us. We judge ourselves, we tell ourselves that we are not perfect and we feel guilty. But in the end, if we listen to what can be said about us, it's, firstly, that we don't know each other and, secondly, that we don't take into account what may be going on in the minds of the other at that time. Hey yeah, we're not the center of the universe, gotta come down two minutes guys. The others have fears, wounds that make them react like that. If you are criticized, belittled, yelled at, whether you did something wrong or not, it is not you who is the problem at the time, but what is happening inside the person in front of you. you. Someone totally appeased will never hurt even the worst motherfucker. So, if you know who you are and you are convinced that you have nothing to reproach yourself for, why would you listen to it?

Well, let's stop feeling guilty!

This agreement is the one that has personally helped me the most. Before, in addition to being narcissistic and ego-centered, I didn't know who I was. I tended to take everything for myself, to listen to everything, to question myself at the slightest criticism and then to adapt to be loved or to defend myself like a rabid dog. Now that I have learned to know myself and take a step back, I no longer listen to criticism or even flattery. How peaceful I feel, no more comments destabilize me and I no longer need anyone to reassure me!

You are not responsible for what others do. Their actions depend on themselves. Everyone lives in their own dream, in their own head; each is in a totally different world from the one you live in. When we make it personal, we assume the other person knows what's in our world, and we try to pit our world against theirs.

Agreement 3: Don't make assumptions.

Since I have this agreement in mind I realize that I spend my life interpreting everything my way, making assumptions, thinking for people. To reassure me, to defend myself, to defend my ego, to defend my opinions, my judgement. To defend MY truth. What's the point ? Bah to nothing, if not to grind the brain to prove himself right. To prove yourself right, to yourself. Giving oneself reason via others... with hindsight I realize how insane it is!

It's easy as pie and yet I had never thought about it either: “No France, you don't know what people really think if you haven't asked them. And, no, you can't guess. And if they're lying to you, don't try to find the truth. Only them know it, you will waste your time trying to find out and above all you will surely be wrong. »

If people don't want to tell the truth, even if you feel they are lying, hiding or not telling everything, well too bad, you don't have to know everything, or interpret everything. What does it do me good every day not to want to understand everything. In fact, was enough to try.

We assume that everyone sees life as we see it. We assume that others think as we think, that they feel things as we feel them, that they judge as we judge. This is the most important assumption humans make.

Agreement 4: Always do your best.

This fourth and final chord, a little boatish, is nevertheless important to assimilate. For my part, I, who have always wanted to do perfectly (to please the whole world, to be loved, instead of learning to love myself, blablabla) it is not better to do in the sense that you mean which I needed but precisely to do less. Basically, doing your best means: "do everything in your power to achieve what you want to do, but don't kill your mind or your health either." Don't you want to work? Don't force yourself, change jobs, choose one you like and do it with passion. Don't you want to fulfill your obligations? Do them at the right time. You don't want to play sports? Give yourself reasons to want to. And there, all of a sudden, you review your priorities. “What do I really want to do? Do I want to make myself feel good? To nourish my body and my mind? Do I want to move forward? » Once the question has been asked, we realize that many things we were doing weren't doing it for ourselves but for the image we wanted to convey. Since this book I have reviewed a lot of my activities, removed old tiring ones without interest, added some that serve no other purpose than to please me, freed up a lot of free time. And above all, I take advantage of everything I do, I live things fully, and no longer like a robot. My life has literally changed.

If you take an action because you have to, it is impossible to perform it for the best. So don't do it. No, do your best because doing so makes you happy. When you just do it for the sheer enjoyment of it, you are only doing it because you enjoy it.

The 4 Toltec agreements is the basis, it's the bible, it's the first book you have to read when you wake up, when you want to change. I can't thank Don Miguel Ruiz enough and of course Margot, the girl who recommended it to me. Normally, if all goes well, it's the beginning of the transformation, the beginning of your new life and then you can't stop.

And have you read it yet? What did you think ?

1 comment

  • Bonjour France et merci pour cet article ! J’ai ce livre, une amie me l’a offert à un moment de ma vie qui allait être un vrai tournant! Un vrai. Un grand. Celui qu’on prend sans vraiment l’avoir décidé ainsi, mais qu’on doit prendre. On se lance comme on dit. J’ai ce livre depuis 2 ans maintenant sans jamais l’avoir ouvert. Je pense que c’est par « peur » et que je n’étais pas prête finalement. Je le sentais que c’était pas le moment. Bref. Toi, ton article sur ce livre et tes mots, tombent à pic pour moi. Je pense que maintenant, je suis prête. A lire et à changer. Merci 🙏🏼


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