Why do we pretend at Christmas?
by France Missud
Spending tons of money on gifts we're not going to use. Choose them, please. Prepare. To disguise oneself. Want to please them. Eating animals that we've tortured, that we're not even going to finish and that we're going to throw away. Smile and laugh. Talk about what you won't accomplish. Want them to be proud. To overdo. Then explode at the first remark. And start over every year.
" Make an effort. It's once a year. It's great Christmas, it's an opportunity to get together with family. »
"Except me - like a lot of us - family, sometimes they piss me off."
So yeah, I know, they don't realize what they're doing. Perhaps, even, it was I who launched the hostilities, most of the time. I should take a step back. But that does not prevent you from receiving attacks and judgments at each family reunion, unconsciously or not, it does not make you want to come back to the next one.
And then, we talk about the discussions without interest? I don't know about you, but I can't anymore.
Macron, the Covid, career plans, immigrants, the latest Chloé bag, it has never fascinated me. Well if, if I must be completely honest, it animated me a lot, before, when I had understood nothing. And again, I think I was already pretending, in order to exist. But now I really can't. Consciously. Really, I can't do it anymore. Superficial conversations, I've had an allergy for a long time. When are we going to realize that there are more interesting and urgent subjects to deal with?
Me, at Christmas, or every other day of the year, I would like you to tell me what made you happy, what hurt you, what makes you vibrate, what you dream of. I would like to know who you are. I would like people to talk about me, about us, about our wounds, about our past and about our future. I would like us to look for solutions to calm down, solutions so that we love each other more, so that we evolve. In short, let's speak the truth. So, yeah, I know, I'm not part of the majority. Surely for them I'm boring, that I'm too different, but the result is that suddenly, on my side, once in two, at least, Christmas, I experience it as a chore.
And many of us are the same.
On December 24, in the middle of dinner, inhabited by boredom and the desire to be elsewhere, I launched a question on Instagram: “Are you also wondering what you are doing here? » I collected 78% of « yes ». So, even though I know that most of my friends/faithful followers are freaks, atypical, ugly ducklings, I was, nevertheless, left disconcerted. Ah, yeah, we're not bad, all the same, to inflict this torture on ourselves for years. But, then, why are we doing this? While we could well live it, or, quite simply, not go there?
Because pretending is what allowed us to survive, to live, despite everything, moments of joy, and pleasure, when inside it was not going well but we didn't dare show it . Because other people, including us, don't like to see someone hurt, it's embarrassing. Even more when we are accused of being the cause of this evil. And living joy and pleasure in discomfort, it's complicated. In our society, it is better to always show a smile and a good mood to be loved. So, even if often, things are going really well, sometimes we pretend. But it is a semblance of happiness, an aside in our misfortune. If you want my opinion, it would be better to take care of the cause of the misfortune rather than waste energy hiding it. And dealing with the cause of misfortune begins by expressing it, precisely. To express it is to respect who we are, what we feel, it is to accept being bad sometimes and that, yes, we have the right!
So yes, some of us are more sensitive, more in pain, different or just more awake than the rest of the world and in particular than our family, so what? Why shouldn't we have the right to express ourselves? To be ourselves? To adapt so as not to disturb is to prove our lack of self-confidence. And by adapting too much we get lost, and we don't even help the fact of not loving ourselves.
Let's stop hiding.
Yeah, sometimes it's not okay. Often, Christmas, family reunions, it reminds us of undigested traumas, conflicts, judgments suffered, suffering, and, as a result, we are not well during this period. Whether we say it openly, not at all, just to our friends, or whether we are in denial, in truth, many of us are in pain between November and January. So why hide it? Let's express ourselves! Let's tell the people who hurt us (without aggression) that they did it! At best, we get support and comfort from those willing to listen, at worst, we free ourselves from a burden. And damn, already just that, it's huge. I swear, you should try.
Personally, this year, things weren't going well, and for once, from the start, before, anyway, as usual, exploding, I didn't hide it. I didn't clown around, I didn't lie about the emotions I was feeling. (Except, maybe in front of the kids, because they are the only beings we have to protect, even at our expense.) I didn't pretend, I didn't want to get involved in the conversations which I found uninteresting, I did not do it. I had no morale, I did not play comedy. Even if it was hard to see that it disturbed, made uncomfortable, embarrassed, pained, maybe, too, I didn't lie, neither to myself, nor to others. And you know what ? I'm super proud of myself. I didn't betray myself, I respected myself! I finally managed not to hide my weaknesses, and I felt guilty just a little (but much less than before). As a result, I didn't even explode. Big first for me! I feel very light from exposing myself naked, without fear, I feel more liberated. I feel that my anger and my sorrows are slowly going away. And, surely next year, I won't even need to pretend anymore, I might, really, 100%, in joy and peace, want to spend Christmas with them.